A Brief Synopsis Of Air Travel

Recently my family and I went to Florida for our vacation, and of course this required air travel. We arrived at the airport at around 530 in the morning, and I was not in the mood for problems. However, due to Murphys Law and an 8 person crew, it was inavoidable. Bags took about 20 minutes to check in due to 4 women and their plethora of carry on and stow away bags.
After this borathon, we moved on to security. This was when I began to be annoyed. I was forced to take off my shoes and coat, because, obviously, I am a suspected terrorist with a blade in my shoe, and a grenade in my coat pocket. Next, my shaving cream, which, due to my extremely manly beard, was an absolute necsesity, was taken from because, "It is over 3 oz." I then proceded to walk through the metal detector 3 times, for my cell phone. my change, and my belt, consecutively. Finally, after a 1 hour layaway we boarded our flight from Cedar Rapids to Detroit.
To adaquately describe the size and smell of the aircraft, one must forcibly put ones head inside of a 10 year old boys shoe with foot fungus. Our stewardess was an anorixic 22 year old who was chewing bubble gum and contemplating over her ever stimulating people magazine. Fortunately we were off the plane in a reasonable time.
Our next task was hunting down food in a crowded airport. I carfully observed my surroundings and spotted a burger king, it had all the qualitys of teenage prey; cheap, full of "energy", and quick, and usually the prey is quite tasty. This particular animal however, was horrid. It was staffed by sweat drenched automatons who could barley count change, and could definately not cook a burger. I consumed the prey and moved on to my next challenge of survival; escape from hell. The layover at detroit was horrendous. I sat on a chair at my gate, and to my horror and disgust, there was a small problem. Before I disclose exactly what it was, I will first explain. At airports, there are alot of windows, doors, and ways into the building, and birds tend to find themselves going through them. They even have trees inside of the airport to accomodate them. The birds also have access to food, and the ones who dont die from consuming the Burger King, live to poop another day, which leads to me and my seat soaked in bird feces.

adieu