Sunday, March 29, 2009

Facebook Is Not Your Therapist: The Henious Transformation Of the Facebook Status Update

Alrighty, where to begin. I have noticed a very unsettling trend over recent weeks of status updates getting gloomier and gloomier. I know its winter and everythingm and its the middle of the school year where, lets face it, everyone wants the "sun to come out." This however, is not an excuse for the mishandling of ones social networking device. The Facebook status update, by its very nature, is meant to inform people on what you are doing, for example; "Yay spring break, who wants to go see Watchmen?", or " Im having SOO much fun in New York!". This update tells your friends where you are, what you are doing, or it is to invite people to some place, or inform them on what you will be doing. Some exceptions to this rule are as follows; "UGHH im home sick in bed, cant do anything" , "Im busy at work, call txt". This fuction, as just demostrated, can be used to say that you are busy and cannot talk, so instead of fb, try my phone. This is what the status update is for. Now lets delve into what it isnt supposed to be used for.

#1. First and formost, facebook status updates are not meant for you to tell the world how in love you are with person X. This is not where you are, this is not what youre doing, this isnt what you will be doing, or telling whether youre sick or at work, it is not informative, it is annoying and unnecesary. Common rebuttles would be, Ethan you dont know what its like to be in love so get off my back, actually, i do know, and i had the common sense to keep person thoughts on personal relationships, my personal business. Please have to common courtesy to save my morning vomit for seeing i forgot a math test, instead of me reading how many kisses you want to give <3<3 Mary Hada Littlelamb <3 <3.

#2. Facebook is not a therapy device for you to write such depressing status' as; "I hate my fucking life", "Fuck my life", "I am a piece of crap, i deserved what happened to me", "Someone please kill me", or "Im gunna take a bath with my toaster!". These updates are malodramatic, and very annoying to have flash up on my home screen. Take note of normal people, who make their status' about whatever happyness they find in their life. Be an optimistic person. Dont write horrendous status' about your depression on facebook, blow it out of proportion and just make every feel like shit. This transferral of moods can be compared to a streptococcus bacterial infection. Do you want to be streptococcus...no you do not. So please stop. Arguements that people will use against me to justify their existance as bacteria, "Its NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS HOW I FEEL" ---ok, yes that is true, BUT YOURE THE IDIOT WHO POSTED IT ON FB. I didnt choose to read it, i didnt click on anything to see it, it was on my homepage as an update.

Consider happyness. It is a strage idea i know. I have crappy parts about my life, but i choose not to dwell on them and post them on FB to garner effection from others and attention from my peers who have nothing better to do then ask you why you "Feel like drinking the detergent". If we can agree to stop these things, FB, and for that matter THE ENTIRE WORLD, would be a happier place. End rant.

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