A Not-So-Modest Proposal

After being inspired by a recent essay read in class, I have formulated a plan to save the US economy. Here goes nuthin.

After noticing the economy going up in flames, I have accumulated a small list of ideas to tackle the situation.

Phase 1: Everyone who is working at or who once worked at any big bank corporation such as JP Morgan, Citi Bank, ect.. should be taken to New Mexico, where upon arrival they will dig a massive trench 15 feet deep, and a mile long. Upon completion of said task, they will be lined up infront of said trench in single file while facing the trench. After completion of this queue, armed gunmen will arrive in trucks and gun down everyone into said trench. Finally the trench will be filled by newly hired, legal, once unemployed workers that complain illegals get every job. They will make minumum wage. Also to prevent any sort of demonic spirits from escaping the bodies of the rotting bankers, the hole will be surrounded by new churches and newly hired priests and paranormal investigators.

Phase 2: Every Congressmen who has ever voted to raise their own salary, and every congressmen who has ever be involved in any scandal whatsoever will be tied to pieces of US Steel, and thrown into a large lake. After their bodys decompose, cleaning services will be hired to create more jobs.

Phase 3: Anyone who is involved with a company who gives obscene bonuses from tax bailout dollars to its multimillion dollar CEO's will be sent to an area on the outskirts of a rainforest where they will be made to ly down. They will then be ran over by US workers paid to drive US made electric cars until everyone is dead. Then a team of US employed botanists will plant US made genetically altered trees to increase the size of the rainforest phinominally and thus reduce the effects of global warming.

Phase 4: The office of the Fed, or the Federal Bank will be vaporized along with 5 trillion US dollars and Ben Bernake. This will remove an uncostitutional, inflation mass producing house of money whores from the world, and will also reduce the money in circulation to drive up the price of the dollar, and lastly it will also rid the world of its most moronic man, Ben Bernake.

Phase 5: Anyone who has ever gotten away with reducing the funding of electric powered cars, hydrogen cars, or any alternative fuel cars, will be crucified upsidedown on US made crosses.

Phase 6: Big Oil companys will be destroyed, because due to more efficient energy, they are no longer needed. Anyone who ever rose the price of gas due to it being the only way to get around will be boiled alive in their own oil, and they will pay for what they boil in at their own high prices.


These 6 simple phases will remove the scum of the Earth, Create new efficient cars and services, reduce the need for foreign oil, stimulate the economy with new jobs, reduce the effects of global warming, new clean energys, no more hyperinflation, the dollar will be worth more, no more opressive banks and ponsi scemes. Ummm, pretty sure that covers everything.