High School Whimsical

Have you ever seen those kids walking around saying how "in love" they are with their highschool mates. I can think of nothing more painful to the eyes than seeing 2 morons making out in the hallway, and nothing more painful to the ears than hearing them say "i love you sooo much babbyyy booooo." This is not true. Why isnt it true? Because they are young idiots who are forced together by whimsical chance, who both find eachother attractice therefore they get together so they can hook up. This creates the need for the word love. They must find a way to justify their lust so they arent just whores with a constant "John". This is why there are teenage pregnancies, this is why there are suicides from complete morons who break up with their "special someone" because they just dont show they love eachother properly. Of course i shouldnt complain, if they do kill themselves, they do remove 1 more idiot gene from the world. That conceivably removes hundreds of generations of other over dramatic morons that could have surfaced from her ill fated eggs. Clearly darwin is at work here. If you are in a high school relationship, please examine the following points to see if you are a total moron.


#1. Do you say I love you more than once a day: If you do, congrats, you are a total moron. You do not love them. You only think you do because of that last episode of the OC where some idiot told some other idiot she loved him, and since they are cool, they are obviously right. If you are guilty of this, stop, maybe then you will only be a moron instead of a total moron.

#2. Do you make out in the hallways: If you do, please do us all a favor, and kill yourselves. Noone wants to see that. Noone. If you must do it, then ditch your next class, dont worry, youre probably failing it anyway.

#3. Do you update your facebook status to absolutely agonizing things such as <3<3 OMFG I LOVE GHF<3<3!!!!!!: If you do this, delete your facebook. This is completely idiotic. I would rather read the autopsy reports of 2000 brutally murdered cute puppies than read this update.

#4. Do you think your relationship is more adult than the other petty ones around you: If you do this, you are wrong. You may say, Ethan, you just dont get our relationship, we really do love eachother, and we are not just some petty fling. Wrong, yes you are. You are just as petty and idiotic as everyone else.

#5. If you say i love you to your partner in under 3 months, you are more than just a complete moron. You are a mind blowingly daft person, with a brain the size of an acorn, and the central nervous system of a paint sniffer who cant wipe himself anymore.

As a final note, I will say, it is conceivable for very rare occurences of love to exist between HS students, this can only occur if both people have been with each other for 80% of their HS education, and did not say i love you until at least 6 months into the relationship.

I do not want idiotic messages from idiotic people telling me that I have never been in love and therefore dont know what im talking about. Do not presume to know anything about my personal life and make accusations about me. I have had relationships in HS, and I am talking on experience here. End rant.

Facebook Is Not Your Therapist: The Henious Transformation Of the Facebook Status Update

Alrighty, where to begin. I have noticed a very unsettling trend over recent weeks of status updates getting gloomier and gloomier. I know its winter and everythingm and its the middle of the school year where, lets face it, everyone wants the "sun to come out." This however, is not an excuse for the mishandling of ones social networking device. The Facebook status update, by its very nature, is meant to inform people on what you are doing, for example; "Yay spring break, who wants to go see Watchmen?", or " Im having SOO much fun in New York!". This update tells your friends where you are, what you are doing, or it is to invite people to some place, or inform them on what you will be doing. Some exceptions to this rule are as follows; "UGHH im home sick in bed, cant do anything" , "Im busy at work, call txt". This fuction, as just demostrated, can be used to say that you are busy and cannot talk, so instead of fb, try my phone. This is what the status update is for. Now lets delve into what it isnt supposed to be used for.

#1. First and formost, facebook status updates are not meant for you to tell the world how in love you are with person X. This is not where you are, this is not what youre doing, this isnt what you will be doing, or telling whether youre sick or at work, it is not informative, it is annoying and unnecesary. Common rebuttles would be, Ethan you dont know what its like to be in love so get off my back, actually, i do know, and i had the common sense to keep person thoughts on personal relationships, my personal business. Please have to common courtesy to save my morning vomit for seeing i forgot a math test, instead of me reading how many kisses you want to give <3<3 Mary Hada Littlelamb <3 <3.

#2. Facebook is not a therapy device for you to write such depressing status' as; "I hate my fucking life", "Fuck my life", "I am a piece of crap, i deserved what happened to me", "Someone please kill me", or "Im gunna take a bath with my toaster!". These updates are malodramatic, and very annoying to have flash up on my home screen. Take note of normal people, who make their status' about whatever happyness they find in their life. Be an optimistic person. Dont write horrendous status' about your depression on facebook, blow it out of proportion and just make every feel like shit. This transferral of moods can be compared to a streptococcus bacterial infection. Do you want to be streptococcus...no you do not. So please stop. Arguements that people will use against me to justify their existance as bacteria, "Its NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS HOW I FEEL" ---ok, yes that is true, BUT YOURE THE IDIOT WHO POSTED IT ON FB. I didnt choose to read it, i didnt click on anything to see it, it was on my homepage as an update.

Consider happyness. It is a strage idea i know. I have crappy parts about my life, but i choose not to dwell on them and post them on FB to garner effection from others and attention from my peers who have nothing better to do then ask you why you "Feel like drinking the detergent". If we can agree to stop these things, FB, and for that matter THE ENTIRE WORLD, would be a happier place. End rant.

Ways to Reduce the Time Untill Retirement

1. Dont give allowance to your kids
2. Eat 2 meals a day, who needs 3
3. Dont go to the doctor for that cold, just wait out man
4. Ice cream trucks should be avoided at all times
5. Dollar menus
6. No pets, if you do have 1, break its neck, remember, bullets cost money.
7. Turn the heat down in the winter, remember newspaper is a good insulator, but steal your neighbors, because they cost money.
8. Turn the AC off in the summer, naked is a great look, especially cause clothes cost money.
9. Wipe your butt with a towel, remember, toilet paper costs money.
10. Dont rent movies, download them for free on your computer.

The bias in your news and politics

Every time you turn on your television you are pumped with whatever emotions the network wants you to be pumped with. The kung fu channel wants you to be pumped with adrenaline and excitement, Comedy Central wants you to be pumped with laughter and happyness, and the cabel news networks want you to be pumped with fear and anxiety. Feelings of fear and anxiety cause you to do one thing above all others, watch the news. You see suicide bombings, dead marines hanging off bridges, pictures of men in turbans, and you think to yourself, these people are scary and these people are bad. They are using these images and this rhetoric to make you think a certain way. Every news station claims no bias in their reporting but that is a load of crap. Everyone who watches Keith Olbermann and knows this guy is a left wing man, and you see Bill O'Reilly and you know hes a left wing man. They both claim "No spin" but everyone sees it. Noone who is unbiased uses the phrase "left wing loon" ten times per show. This isnt just cabel news either, its also in your magazines. Time for instance had Obama on the cover perhaps 20 times during the campaign season and nearing the end of the race. Mccain probably 4. What does this mean to you. Do you think Time was pulling for McCain? No. No you do not. Its the subtletys that will end up getting to you. If you want real news, unbiased news, youll have to watch....oh wait, there isnt any.

Rant Fest: Global Warming

The Earth goes through natural periods of temperature change. There have been ice ages, and heat waves all throughout history and before cars existed. This is the way the world works (no pun intended). Global Warming is a hoax. End of story. Now lets go back to the basics. What exactly is Global Warming. Public Broadcastic defines it as such:

Global Warming: The hypothesis that Earth's atmosphere is warming because of the release of "greenhouse gases," such as carbon dioxide. These gases are released into the air from burning gas, oil, coal, wood and other resources which then holds heat in an action similar to the walls of a greenhouse. - Source, Public Broadcasting Service

Reasons why global warming is a hoax:

1. Al Gore would have you believe that every scientist on Earth is saying that Global Warming is the fault of human behavior. This is completely bullshit, infact 17,000 scientists have signed a Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine petition saying that the release of human caused greenhouse gasses, is not scientifically proven to heat the atmosphere.

2. Now this will really get your blood boiling, (again no pun intended), the Earth actually hasn't started heating yet, yes thats right, the actual temperature of the Earth has not shown an overall trend of heating AT ALL.

3. Another idea to think about, and this could be a hot button topic to discuss, (ok I can't deny the pun's anylonger), over the course of history, The times where the Earth has shown unusually high temperatures are recorded as the most successfull times in human history. In 5000-3000 B.C., the optimum temperature period, (which is warmer than our current average), humans began building the first great civilizations. Yeah thats right, the hotter it is, the better we make the world

4. This part is gunna melt the roof off, (I deeply apologize ladies and gentlemen), the state and federal bills directed towards global warming, (that hopefully dont pass), would be imensely costly and would break state budgets entirely.

We as a country and a world have to realize that our Earth's temperature is not going to stay the same, it will fluctuate, and we will soldier on.

Rant Fest: Foreign Policy

Ok lets start this off by a quick demostration. Picture yourself living your normal life when all of a sudden these middle eastern troops start landing in America, they try to implement their views on government on you, they dictate your policies and if you dont comply then you are a terrorist. They can then wire your phone conversations, watch you on satillite, follow your every move. You as a citizen have your rights and you decide to fight back. You do whatever you can to fight off the invaders because that is what they are. It doesnt matter what doctrine they preach, they invaded your soverign country. They invaded your way of life. This is the everyday life of a middle easterner. The USA has literally invaded their country, and effectively invaded their culture, their way of life, and their privacy. There is a reason that Osama Bin Laden has declared war on America. He and They do not do it because they hate our way of life as you hear from the news and president. They do not hate us because we are free. THEY HATE US BECAUSE WE INVADED THEIR LIVES. This is reason you see muslims on tv throwing shoes at Bush. This is the reason they send death to america tapes to us. We are the invaders. We are the terrorists.

Salam Alaykum